A Downward Dog Day

Evil DVD 3 again today. Last time this week, and I shutter at the thought of having to do it twice more next week.

What have I gotten myself into? Sheer exhaustion comes close to a description, but it's so much more.

This is a hazard program. Driving to work I struggled to gain enough strength to hit the break. Jillian Michaels is going to be the reason I get into a car accident. Awesome.

Why am I still doing this? Seriously. Why am I putting myself through this? I can barely walk- hours later. Even during the exercises when we'd go from sitting to standing, I could barely pull myself upright. The DVD is starting the exercise while I'm trying to prevent falling over.

Oh, and that evil cousin of the burpee step yoga pose? I almost slammed my face into the TV trying to gain balance. Stupid narrow workout space. I can see the news story now; "Girl found by husband bled to death. Cause of death is still under investigation, but it is believed she suffered massive head trauma while working out, appearing to have knocked herself unconscious through a blow to the TV, and bled to death on her living room floor. The husband is accepting donations to her non-profit in lieu of flowers." Which is really not all that funny, considering my fully-capable and independent grandmother had a seizure, hit her head on her bedroom dresser, and bled to death on her floor. It happens, folks.

And the sweat! No one warns you of the danger of sweat & a yoga mat. Get on your back, do these crazy sideways crunches, swat dripping off you and soaking into the now slippery yoga mat, now stand on 1 leg, other leg tucked into you thy, and try to waive your arms up and down with weights in your hands.

How has Jillian Michaels not been sued yet?

I've lost my mind. There can be no other reason why I am going to keep at it. I have no answer, but there is an internal compulsion to keep going. What is wrong with me?! 

Is insanity a symptom of Ebola? Maybe I have some rare random strain of that.

I had a "light bulb" moment while struggling to keep upright as I put on my make-up this morning. Any "revolution" you can think of had plenty of suffering. There were times they were sure they wouldn't win. There were times they wanted to give up. This really is a revolution- a war between this odd inner compulsion and my body's resistance to keep moving.