Time for a Reset

It's sad. In my last post I full-out admitted I was not doing good on my weight loss & healthy living goals. Did I do thing-1 about it? Nope. 

The very habits I used to tisk at my husband for are habits I began to form. Really bad stuff. Ice cream an hour before bed every night stuff. 

Let's face it: it's just so darn EASY being lazy. Doing nothing is wonderful. No plans, no commitments. Since I have no friends, no one really out in San Diego to talk to or go places with, it's so easy to fall into that pattern. I get up & sit on the computer. I search, play games, or earning swagbucks for an hour or three. Then I get up, maybe do 20 minutes of straightening up around the house, then it's off to the couch for 6-8 hours of binge watching while I knit or crochet (so at least I feel a little productive). Throughout this I'm making trips to the kitchen for snacks. I'll find myself getting sleepy and instead of napping I open up a can of soda to give myself a buzz. This is my weekend. Kind of glorious, right? 

No. This is awful what I'm doing to myself. I'm getting sleepy because I'm not challenging myself- my brain is not stimulated. This pro-longed sitting is awful for my body! The impact of this won't be seen for another 10-20 years, but it is doing serious damage, the kind that I cannot repair once I finally see what it's done to me.

That's not entirely true, though. I do see what it's done to me, in the form of my favorite pair of pants not really fitting anymore. 

I think everyone has different breaking points. That's mine. 

In April I had 2 motivations. 

1.) I want to fit into my wedding dress on my anniversary every year at minimum until I have children (at which point the widening of the hips that happens with kids may prevent it). Last year I made it, but I had to get assistance from my husband to zip up and I felt a lot like sausage. I'm pretty sure I'm at the same fitness level I was at last year. I have 10 days left. Improvement from last year is not going to happen.

2.) I'm going home- I want to look good for that. It's vane and stupid, I'm certain on this, but I don't want to go home and have people think 'wow, she really got fat in the last few years.' I hate myself for my own vanity, but I've thought it of others. I'm sure they'll think it of me if I give them a chance. Better still to not let them have that chance. I want them to think 'wow, she looks really healthy!' and maybe 'what motivation for me to be healthy, too!' if I'm really lucky.

I've had these goals for months. Apparently the anniversary thing I didn't care enough about. Maybe I should have tried the wedding dress on as a test-run before hand to help motivate myself. Too late for that now. But it's good in a way, because this feels horrible. I don't want to go home and have this same horrible feeling, and we're almost at 70 days until that day is upon me.

The jeans not fitting right is breaking point #1. Breaking point #2 is that my legs and hips are actually hurting from sitting for so long this past weekend. It's sending off warning signs in my head. Something More needs to be done, and it cannot wait or be put off any longer.

My husband has an excuse for his lazy behavior, but he's physically active all week long. I'm not. I cannot look at him and be jealous on weekends for being lazy when I did not work as hard as he had throughout the week. I've forgotten that, and I've allowed it to be my excuse.

Fresh start to this new week!

Motivation is here again! Teeth have been fixed to the point that I can eat normal (ish) food again, arm is doing a little better, and body is telling me I need to get back on track. Today I am finally listening. Today I want to act!

Biggest problem: I'm really discouraged from the past's lack of results. For all that I say I failed in April, I resisted a lot of cravings and desire to snack. I switched up to a healthier lifestyle that's kept with me, where my snacks tend to be carrots, celery, grapes, bananas, apples, etc., instead of chips, candy, and crackers. I did good... I just lost 0 weight. I have worked out for months and months, and not only lost no weight but saw no change in any measurements. A loud voice in my head says 'what's the point in depriving yourself of the food you love and pushing yourself until you pass out if you get absolutely no results from it.

I won't gain more weight; that's 1 answer. But it's not a very motivating answer. 

I actually have a few pounds to lose now in order to fit into my clothing comfortably again. That's more motivating, but we're still not there.

I think I need to re-examine my diet and my programs yet again. There has to be something I'm doing wrong; I just haven't found it yet. Today's homework is to think of solutions.