"...Take This Energy With You..."

Week 2, Day 4

I've just finished with DVD 1 for (in theory) the last time and refreshed myself with a shower.

Refreshed may not exactly be the right word, though.

Exhausted. I am exhausted from this workout. 

I knew going in it would be rough. A little voice in my head said, "Aw, skip it. You're not up to par today. You're still sleepy. Plus you deserve it for working so hard this far."

No, no, little voice. We're going to try to complete this program as intended, at least in terms of workout. We're committed to it.

Three types of squats. We have to do standard squats, sumo squats, and chair squats with weights. Somewhere in the middle of it I'm trying to motivate myself by saying "Common! You're almost at DVD 3 & 4- you won't have to do this specific exercise again after today!" It's not working, though. Another part of me, a stronger part, knows that I don't have to do that exercise again but the ones that I will have to do will be tougher. It's laughing at me. "You think you can handle the next few weeks when you're wimping out at week two?!"

I still did it. I gave it all I had, which is a problem. I need some of that for the rest of today. No wonder I've been just exhausted when I come home from work. These workouts drain me, then I have to do a normal work day and finish off with homework. 

I really thought there would be a part of me saying, "You can do this! You're stronger than this! Show them what you're made of!" That voice either doesn't exist, or is too quiet over the laughing of the other one.

As DVD 1 enters the final stretch cool-down mode, Jillian Michaels makes the comment, "I want you to take this energy you've built here today and carry it with you in the rest of your day" 

That part of me laughing earlier? It falls off its chair, holding its side. Never heard a better joke.

Seriously, I'm supposed to have created energy from this? You just beat every leg muscle I had. I need these things to walk, Jillian!

*Deep breath*

I will get through this. Just DVD 2, another cardio day, and I can rest... and begin DVD 3 and 4 next week.

I'm a little terrified. I don't want to quit, but I don't know if I have it in me.