Real Life Inspiration! (and Megan's reality check)

This weekend my husband went digging through old photo's and found a group I'd asked him to take shortly after we came to CA. I wanted to see if I could fashion magazine my bikini body in photoshop; we snapped at different angels of me smiling model-like. The result of that attempt at the time was me realizing my photoshop skills are amateur at best. The result of my husband finding these photos this weekend was devastating!

I realized from my wedding photo's that I'd gained some weight, but I really didn't think it was all that bad. I've always had a negative view of my body, and believed my body was maybe 5 pounds more than before. Wrong wrong wrong.

First, I didn't even notice that back then I had a bikini body! I saw some slight chub and convinced myself I was fat- must cover it up! JESUS, I could have been confident about myself back then and I missed my chance! Talk about what damage a poor self image can do! 

Second, I've realized just how long the road I have to take is going to be. I'm really trying (so far) to re-amp it up; reduce my food intake, I'm back to tracking my food & exercise on sparkpeople.com to keep accountability moving, and I'm pushing myself in my workouts again. Regardless of all of that, I'll still be at this for a long, long time. I estimate 1-2 years, unless I find time to somehow do more. The downfall to this is I have never been good at sticking with fitness/ healthy eating for more than a few months at a time. 

I spent much of this weekend moping. What does this journey mean for me? No fast food. Lots of discipline.  (Truly, I HATE regulating what I eat) More pushing myself in my workouts.  I need to do this to ensure a longer life and be a more confident me. Part of this journey HAS to also be changing my self image, so if/ when I get back to that wedding dress size, I'll recognize this time the external beauty I have obtained. 

As of this morning, I also have amazing inspiration.

An email went out to my co-workers asking for support for Audrey, who has amazingly and incredibly lost over 100 pounds! She will need some minor surgery after her progress is completed, and they are seeking to raise funds for her. 

I watched the video of her progress, thought of the road she must have viewed as her journey began, and immediately felt like such a self-absorbed ass. There are thousands of people that have to have experiences and journeys like this. Yes, those "last few pounds" are the hardest to lose, but I'm still a healthy me! And hell, if Audrey can renew herself, certainly I can learn to embrace the current me, while still striving for an always healthy version.

I think I need a new goal of this experience as obtaining proper perception and a better self image.